Could you also hold up today’s newspaper?

Recruiter: Oh yes, one last thing. Just send us a selfie when you get to your interview.

Me: Pardon?!

Recruiter: You just need to text or Whatsapp us a selfie when you’re at the office safely.

Me: No, I’m not going to send you a selfie, that’s just bizarre!

Recruiter: It’s our policy.

Me: It’s not law though so I’m afraid I still won’t be sending you a pre-interview selfie.

Recruiter: But…

Me: Copy my LinkedIn photo if you desperately need my photo.

Tech people only wear sweatpants

A recruiter calls to prep me for my upcoming interview:

Recruiter: …and if they ask you what your greatest weakness is think of a negative and turn it into a positive!

Me: Mmhmm

The recruiter is being very patronising – this isn’t my first rodeo by any means.

Recruiter: And what were you planning on wearing to the interview?

Me: Clothes…

Recruiter: Ahahaha yeah good but seriously, what were you thinking of wearing?

That word you keep using… I do not think it means what you think it means.

Headhunter email. Title: Fantastic remote working opportunity!

Me: Hi, I might be interested in this role. Could you tell me a little more about it?

Recruiter: Sure! The company’s office is based in the east wing of a stately home. It’s right in the middle of the countryside but the house itself is surrounded by beautifully kept gardens so there’s great opportunities to explore during your lunch breaks…

Me: But it’s remote working, right? How often do folks have to go into the office?

Recruiter: Oh no, you have to be in the office everyday.

Me: So it’s not remote working?

Recruiter: Yes, it’s a very remote location!

Me: Thank you for your time.